SEMI SWEET CHOCOLATE ~

Here are some rules to remind you of what to do and what not to do with chocolate.

THE RULES

RULE #1 – MEN CAN'T MAKE RATIONAL DECISION BEFORE SEX
Before sex men are not thinking about the big picture. Their hormones are doing the talking for them. Being goal-orientated, he has one task on his mind and that is to get laid, have sex, get some release or whatever you want to call it. Don’t get mad at him for it, this is how all men behave. Quite honestly, his father and his father’s father and his father’s, father’s, father all did the same thing. Once a guy has his release he can think clearly and evaluate the situation. Men make their decision about the relationship based on what happens before, during, and afterwards.

If, on your first date you are at his apartment and there are photos of him with other women, it doesn’t matter if they are family or friends, and you start asking a hundred questions, such as “Who is that?” “Which one is your ex?” being even a little jealous and insecure is not good pre-sex behavior. It really doesn’t matter who is in the pictures. He’s not your boyfriend. Well, at least not in his eyes. If during sex, you are insecure about your body and sexual techniques; not good. If he wants to do something sexual that you are uncomfortable with and your reaction is, “That’s gross,” not good. If you are uncomfortable, don’t make a scene out of it, stay cool and say it’s not my thing. After sex, you want to cuddle close and share pillow talk. It might not be a good idea unless he initiates it. It can come off as being too needy and insecure. If after sex, you suggest making him something to eat or you turn the game on the television or let him sleep, believe me you got his attention. This will actually turn him on. He’ll think to himself this is the coolest chick ever, definitely a keeper. Most girls get needy after sex. Their neediness makes men feel responsible for her feelings and that’s a turn off. Being confident goes a long way and don’t test him. You know what I’m talking about. After sex don’t ask him to go shopping with you to see how much he cares or ask how great the sex was or wasn’t. After sex, he can think clearly and he’ll recap and evaluate the before, during, and after sexual experience. You can’t expect a man to make a rational decision about your relationship until after sex. The less needy and insecure you seem the better.

RULE #2 – EVERY GUY YOU MEET IS NOT THE "ONE"
When you stop thinking in terms of the One / soul mate you will open yourself up to more opportunities and you won’t seem so desperate. You’ll get the – “I’m not going to settle” mentality out of your head. You get fixated on one guy and think that he is literally the one and only guy in the world. Just because he said hello and smiled doesn’t make him “The One.” He just might be a nice guy or he might be a real nag once you get to know him. Stop looking at a man as someone you can’t live without. Don’t lie to yourself and justify why you need to be with him and only him. There are more males in this world than him.

RULE #3 – IT'S NOT A RELATIONSHIP BEFORE SEX
As far men are concern it is not a relationship before sex. Because you are spending time chatting extensively, you might believe you are in a relationship and that you are in an exclusive relationship. Or you might think you are in a relationship simply because it feels like a relationship. Even if you have a couple of dates, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are in a committed relationship. Generally speaking, for a man it’s not a relationship because you haven’t had sex.

RULE #4 – HAVE SELF-RESPECT BOUNDARIES
Develop a boundary scale of self-respect from 1 to 10, with 10 being very respectful and 1 being little or no respect. If your man is the type to push the boundaries to 5 then he is still respectful, but if he pushes to 4 or under, he is showing less and less respect. He is also testing to see how much he can get away before you snap. It doesn’t matter where he thinks you should snap. It’s only important that you know where you will snap and let him know it. You need to have your own definition of what you think is disrespectful to you.
Each woman’s breaking point is different. In your definition, know when your guy has pushed it to level 4; at which point you have to put your foot down. Something Mimi didn’t do. You have to do something not only for the sake of your relationship and letting him know he has gone too far, but for your self-respect. Respect yourself if you want him to respect you. Your man needs to know what your boundaries are in the relationship and how much BS you are willing to put up with. If your boundaries are reasonable, he will be more than willing to live within them. If the boundaries are unclear, he will push until they are established or move on to another girl that will set some boundaries.

RULE #5 – DON'T ASK WHAT HE THINKS OF YOU
Questions such as, “What was your first impression of me?” “What do you think of the date so far?” These are not good questions and only lead to uncomfortable conversation. It puts both of you on the spot. These are questions an insecure person would ask and it will make you seem weak in his eyes. You are also giving the impression that you care too much about what he thinks of you and that you are second-guessing yourself.

Being strong and confident makes a positive impression. One of men’s biggest turn-on is a women’s confidence. When he asks you what you think about him, tell him you think he’s okay. It sounds mean, but he will love it. Don’t ask what he thinks of you, the most important question is what you think of yourself. What you think of yourself is what you will project; your projection will be his opinion of you.

RULE #6 – DON'T ASK WHAT DOES IT MEAN OR WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?
These two have to be the biggest turn off questions for men. To a man’s ear they are also trick questions, which men often hesitate to answer. His answer can turn her on or off. It’s like being asked, “Do I look fat in these blue jeans?” When a man says to a woman you are the best lover and she follows with, “what does that mean?” A guy will re-think the statement and her question to be certain he said the right thing. The majority of the time, when a man says I had a good time – it simply means he had a good time, nothing more nothing less. When a woman asks those questions, what she really wants to know is where she stands in the relationship. It’s a back door way of seeking an answer to her insecurities. Through the trials and tribulations of screwing up their response in the past, men learn to think twice about their answers to these questions. The questions are unfair because they are loaded questions. If you want to know where you stand in the relationship just ask. Or observe what’s going on in the relationship. If his phone is ringing off the hook at 2am, it’s probably another woman or a drug deal. What does it mean? It means he is seeing another woman. Where do you stand in the relationship? If you are married, he is probably not happy sexually in the relationship. Be honest; if you are married do you have a great sex life or not? Is he sexually satisfied? You know the answer.

Don’t ask the trick questions to trick him for your own agenda. More importantly don’t ask the question because you need to be confident and when you say, “What does that mean?” You sound surprised like “Wow, really, are you kidding me, I can’t believe it.” When you are at work and your boss says, “Great job. Sales are up this month. Thank you.” You don’t say – what does that mean or why did you say that?” At work, you know you gave 100% and therefore, you understand the praise. Be that confident in your relationship. Be the best you can be. At the end of the day, he either gets you or he doesn’t. When he said you are a great lover or that you are beautiful and smart, just reply with thank you. Look at him in the eyes and say, “Did you expect anything else?

RULE #7 – DON'T ASK HIM WHAT IS HIS "IDEAL" WOMAN
Don’t ask what is his ideal woman, it’s probably not you. His ideal woman has the lips of Angelina Jolie, the body of Halle Berry, the face of Lindsey Lohan and the singing voice of Mariah Carey. You get the point? Don’t set yourself up for rejection by asking this unnecessary question. You’ll be left feeling as though you’ll never be able to live up to his expectations. You don’t need to ask what is his ideal woman is. Play your cards right and you are his ideal woman.

RULE #8 – DON'T KISS OR HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE
Don’t feel you need to kiss or have sex on the first date. Kiss him on date three or four, especially if he is very attractive because the more attractive he is, the less enthusiastic you are about kissing on the first date. Is there a difference between date one and date three or four in that you have to kiss or have sex on the first date? You waited all of your life to kiss this guy, so one or two dates won’t make a difference. Even if it is the most awesome date, do not kiss him. Besides, he’ll be more intrigued and wonder what to do next to make you want to kiss him. Be indifferent about it and call it a night. If he asks you to kiss him, tell him you aren’t sure if you desire him yet.
My rule is: Kiss only as a prelude to passion.


RULE #9 – TREAT HIM THE WAY HE IS USED TO BEING
If your chocolate’s past relationship is with an abusive woman, verbally or physically, (a bitch if you will) treat him as badly as he was treated or end the relationship with him before it begins. Better yet, treat him in the same manner as his mother. The bark sounds worst than the bite. You are not the Red Cross; you don’t need to save him. And you don’t take responsibility for the way he is raised. If he is a level 2, you can’t make him a level 1. Giving him more than he thinks he deserves will lead him to say, “Bye, bye. You are the weakest link.” If you can’t handle that, then exit the relationship before it begins.

RULE #10 – DON'T LIKE HIM TOO MUCH
Don’t like him too much. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t comfortable being cherished and placed on a pedestal; we prefer the chase. Before you get coo coo for coco puffs over chocolate, be sure you have emotional leverage – meaning he likes you more than you like him. The moment you like him more than you like yourself is the moment the relationship is to your disadvantage: black box – white box. And now your guy who once cuddled up with you needs space. Another common excuse he gives you is that he isn’t happy and that something is missing. You think to yourself, “are you kidding me, we have great sex, we laugh together and spend all of our waking hours together and now you are telling me you need space. You aren’t happy! “What the @#$%^?”.

The bottom line is that you had emotional leverage until you liked him more than he liked you. The harder he worked to win you over (level 2 behavior), the more you let your guard down. You assumed he was really into you because his pursuit seems to lack any hidden agendas. You might have even felt as though you had found your soul mate. The number-one reason he disrespects you is that you believe that your level 2 boyfriend became a level 1 in your six weeks of dating.

RULE #11 – DON'T GIVE EXCESSIVE COMPLIMENTS UNLESS THEY ARE GOING TO IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF THE RELATIONSHIP
For those in doubt, ask your chocolate, “If I give you excessive compliments and admiration will it leads to excessive dinners, kisses, gifts, or more cuddling?” In most cases he will answer no, not really or maybe. I’m certain you won’t get an absolute yes. Make him earn the compliments he receives. If he is really cool and takes care of you, by all means give him compliments, but don’t let the spiritual you lose control over the physical you. Attractive men hear flattering and flirtatious remarks all day long. Giving out compliments for the sake of it isn’t as effective as an intimate compliment. The best time to give him a compliment is when you both are lying down having foreplay or a quite intimate moment. At these times, you have his undivided attention. After sex, he is on to his next goal, sleeping, more sex, watching the game, work, and etcetera. The very worst time to give a compliment is when he is expecting it or when he gives you a compliment. The reason its bad timing is because he is looking for attention or feels insecure and wants reassurance. The time we all need reassurance is when we are not on top of things and we know in our hearts we half-committed to the task at hand. Instead of feeding into his insecurity, address the real issue that merits him to seek your validation. Ask why he is feeling insecure today? This is very empowering. If he asks how the sex is, say “it is okay, not bad.” Don’t say, “O my God, you are incredible” to make him feel good because he’s lacking confidence… ding-ding game over. Just say it is ok. If he said, “I love you, I miss you, and you are incredible”, etc, fight the urge to reply with all your heart and say, “I love you too, I miss you too, you are also incredible too,” ding-ding game over you lose.
When someone gives a compliment, such as I love you, chances are there is more that follows those three words. The moment you say I love you too; you’ve cut off their need to express any more emotions. Next time when he says, “I love you,” wait a beat and see if he has more to say and if not just say, “thank you.” If your chocolate says, “Aren’t you going to say you love me too” your reply is “I’ll say it when I feel it” or “I’ll say it when I feel the need to say it.” There is no obligation for you to reply with the same words. If you can control yourself and keep your composure, your guy is going to be crazy about you. If you meet a guy in a club or on the street, don’t immediately tell him how hot he is. Obviously, you find him attractive because you are talking to him. Don’t give compliments for the sake of giving compliments; they should be earned.

RULE #12 – DON'T GIVE MORE THAN YOU ARE GETTING
Don’t give more than you are getting. Keep the playing field even. If he says, I don’t think this is working out, agree with him. If he wants to hang with his boys, go and hang with your girls. Do not hang out by the phone waiting for his call. If you are with your girlfriend, don’t check your cell phone every ten minutes or turn your evening with your friends into a round table to talk about your boyfriend. Avoid situations where you are sitting at home while he is out playing and getting attention from other women. You make sure you are getting your share of attention from males.

If you are the type of girl that stays home and thinks you don’t want to play a games, think again; it is a game and you better know the rules. If your guy is out clubbing and you’re at home, he is doing it because he wants attention or he is looking for something besides you. Maybe he is bored; regardless, don’t twiddle your thumbs waiting. If he hangs out long enough, he’ll find it or it will find him. If he wants to go out, make sure you go out too and have some fun. He will be more interested in what you are doing and less interested in his boy’s club. Remember he needs to earn your affection. The thought of you talking to another man will make him step up his game. He likes competition as long as he is winning. No matter who you flirt with, your guy should always be number one. He’ll love the challenge. Keep the playing field equal.

RULE #13 – NEVER ASK IF HE IS SEEING SOMEONE
This is a tricky one. As much as you want to know, you don’t need to ask if he is seeing someone else, you’ll know sooner or later, especially in the beginning of a relationship. Whether or not he is seeing someone else doesn’t evaluate your worth. And it shouldn’t really matter, especially if you are not in a committed relationship. If you hold yourself in the highest of esteem, he’ll respond accordingly. You’ll get a direct answer to your question – are you the only one in his life? Asking weak questions doesn’t make you seem confident. If he is seeing someone, he will immediately compare you to her. If he is giving you the time of day, the relationship with his current girlfriend probably isn’t that strong. Don’t ask about the other girl. Talk about how you are going to rock his world.

Instead of asking about the girlfriend, pay attention to the conversation. You will discover things about his past or current relationship that will help you without your having to ask directly. In the subtext of his conversation, he will tell you how he wants to be treated. He might say his ex was a jerk. Ask empowering questions that move the conversation to his being closer to you. This book is about managing yourself and your chocolate. Besides, when you are with him, work towards closing the deal. Make yourself available and figure out what his needs are so that he is invested in you. I can assure you the other girl that he might be seeing is not.

RULE #14 – ONLY COMPLIMENT DURING FOREPLAY / DURING SEX
Only compliment him when you are having foreplay or during a true moment of intimacy. It is truly the only time you have his undivided attention. That is when you want to place that positive emotional trigger. Until you have emotional leverage and you are in control of yourself, you can’t go around throwing compliments. I think the best time to express words of affection is when you have his undivided attention, which is usually during foreplay and after sex.

RULE #15 – GIVE HIM LESS ATTENTION TO GET MORE
The less attention you give chocolate, the more attention you’ll get in return. When you shower him with gifts and attention, he’ll show you less respect, level 2. It’s a strange, but true phenomenon. His disrespect towards you is actually himself saying that he doesn’t think he deserve the all the attention you are giving. He’ll feels better earning your affection instead of it being handed to him on a sliver platter. When he earns it he’ll be very sweet and attentive, doing all the nice things that you love. You have to learn balance and know when to shower him with affection and when to pull back. If you pay him attention and you see his mood swing away from you, pull back your attention. You’ll see his eagerness to please you and you’ll see the relationship rebalance itself.

RULE#16 – ALL BOOTY CALLS REQUIRE CONDOMS
You don’t want to catch anything. And you don’t want to have to explain to your friends and family “It just happened.” Need I say more? Until you are in a committed relationship use a condom even if you are on birth control. No accidents –no babies. And no trapping a man into fatherhood for your own needs. Those being: I want to have a baby before it’s too late or I want to hold and have him in my life forever, via a child.

RULE#17 – GET A PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT Get a prenuptial agreement, even if your prenuptial states that everything is 50/50. For the simple reason, you really don’t know your partner nor does he really know you. You have no idea what will happen down the road between you and your partner. What if you meet the other guy of your dreams? What if after ten years you really don’t like each other? Avoid the drama of divorce, which involves lawyers, and court costs. In all aspects of your life you sign contracts and they all explain the consequences if things don’t work out. A prenuptial agreement serves the same purpose as any contract.